The fifth window of experience is congruence. It is an essential quality of self. Congruence means personal harmony. More concretely it refers to the harmonious integration of a person's thoughts, feelings and behaviors. The absence of such harmony characterizes all forms of self-diminishment. If our thinking is different from our feeling, then our personalities are literally split. If we are angry at our lover about doing something for him, but we do it because we think we are being helpful to him, we are diminished as persons. If our behavior does not honestly reflect how we think and feel, then we are not really ourselves. These incongruences or disharmonies in people are a substrate of all personal psychological "illnesses." The experience of living in the harmony of thought, feeling and behavior is essential to the healthy self. It is the true being of being in the world in good faith. Congruence is most commonly referred to as integrity.
Taken from The Windows of Experience by Malone and Malone
Jake Thiessen, PhD
I've been working with couples for a very long time. And, I love it! This blog is my attempt to communicate some of the things I've learned over the past 40 years.