Couples Therapy

The Importance of Couples Therapy

Because change occurs relationally, not intellectually, couples therapy offers an excellent opportunity to alter one's life circumstances. Change depends on our feeling accepted as we are, not understood as what we are not. Acceptance has to do with the experiencing of unconditional love in a relationship. We want to feel that however messed up we may be, we are yet worthwhile, valuable human beings, deserving of love and respect. We want to experience this feeling in our partner despite the fact that we do not feel it to be true within ourselves.

If we say to our partners that we will love and respect them if they change, then they have to stay the same. They have no choice. They must continue struggling against our judgment in order to continue being herself. This is why feeling accepted as we are is the foundation of becoming a fully realized person. It gives us the freedom to choose to change, not because someone else wants us to, but for our own growth and fulfillment.

Goals of Couples Therapy

Perhaps the most important goal of couples therapy is to encourage two people to connect meaningfully without losing their independence-their sense of self-to accept each other fully while accepting themselves fully. In other words, achieving separateness and relatedness at the same time.

Most couples gain their separateness or individuality at the expense of being related. On the other hand, they often gain a feeling of relatedness at the expense of their individuality. Trading one for the other almost guarantees a loss of intimacy and wholeness.

In a successful relationship the paradox of being both separate and related exists comfortably without giving in to confusion, anger or fear.

Couples therapy can be an essential tool in achieving and maintaining this important balance.

What Happens in Couples Therapy

Couples therapy offers a structured environment within which partners can develop a mutual understanding of their relational history including the patterns of behavior that hinder the development of a satisfying relationship. In addition, partners can explore what motivates them toward or away from emotional and/or physical intimacy. Each partner will also be offered the opportunity to develop an understanding of his/her contribution to the difficulties being addressed.

Problems Addressed

• Communication Difficulties
• Infidelity
• Parenting
• Sexual Dissatisfaction
• Developing Greater Intimacy
• Spiritual Growth as a Couple

Download this questionaire (Excel Format), (or PDF Format), fill it out, and bring it along to your first meeting with me. I don't recommend that you send this completed questionaire to me via email in order to protect your privacy.