I've been giving my flaws a lot of thought lately. Truth be told, I've been giving everyone's flaws a lot of thought lately. I hear people say, "No one's perfect" on a regular basis. If that isn't said, then the other fall back position is, "Everyone makes mistakes." It seems people will go out of their way to confess to imperfections as long as the confession is generic and doesn't demand too much. It's frustrating to see how much energy goes into avoiding the acknowledgement of deep and abiding imperfection. This is particularly true when a heartfelt acknowledgement of the truth more often than not results in forgiveness and reconciliation. For all of our flaws, most of us are genuinely interested in connection...even if we have no real understanding of how it's to be achieved.
I like Leonard Cohen a lot. He's certainly a flawed man. Maybe it's his understanding of that fact that makes his songs so compelling. He has a song called "Anthem" that contains the line, "Everything has a crack in it. That's how the light gets in." The older I get, the more obvious it is to me that our flaws create a path to the deepest connection. Perfection offers no entry point. Whatever effort we make to appear seamless, is just so much avoidance. Genuine relationships are built on the acceptance of our flaws not on their absence.
Jake Thiessen, PhD
I've been working with couples for a very long time. And, I love it! This blog is my attempt to communicate some of the things I've learned over the past 40 years.