The dark truths of successful marriage: Risk-taking

Most of us go into marriage with the belief that it will provide the stability we need to live the life we’d like to live. In many ways that makes sense.  Sometimes we look forward to marriage as a respite from the relentless risk-taking that comes with the dating scene.  That, too, makes sense.
 
The truth is, we usually begin marriage with a lot of trust and a pretty clear sense of the stability that comes with it.  That reservoir of trust is the product of successful risk-taking that occurred in the months or years prior to the wedding.  But, once marriage begins, the stakes go up exponentially.  There are all kinds of things that make leaving the relationship increasingly costly…things ranging from a financial hit to assaults on tightly held values.  Because the stakes are so high we become less and less willing to take risks.  We steadily back away from the very thing that builds trust and creates the sense of aliveness necessary for relationship health.
 
The Dark Truth is that couples should take risks precisely when risk-taking seems least desirable.  It’s not about taking outrageous risks.  Small and reasonable risks are exactly what need to happen.  Here are some risk-taking suggestions.
 

• Let your partner know something about you that you’re tempted to leave unsaid. 
• Ask for things that you know will stretch your partner and/or yourself.
• Share a fantasy...sexual or otherwise.
• Instead of defending yourself, listen more deeply when your partner is angry.
• Consider the possibility that everything your partner says about you is true.​
• Do new (and perhaps uncomfortable) things together.  Ropes courses and zip lines come to mind.

 
When you feel yourself playing it safe you can be sure you’re in dangerous territory. Do the counter-intuitive thing and take a risk.